I have, on occasion, met a physical therapist that did not suffer from a need to be perfect, though by and large most of us exhibit many characteristics of this affliction. Maybe we come to this profession as a result of this tendency for an eye towards detail and it is a great fit from the outset, or maybe we are trained to be this way just as we are trained to assess and understand human motion. We watch closely as someone comes up to sitting from lying supine, we note how they move their shoulders and trunk over their hips to rise to standing. Which muscles are weak? Is the onset of contraction slow, is the timing with the firing of synergistic muscles poor? Are the opposing muscles tight? Where is the origin of this difficulty? And, most importantly, how am I going to meet this challenge and how is this patient’s body going to respond?

Synergy: the increased effectiveness that results when two or more people work together. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/synergy

Why do I bring this up, this stuff about muscles working together to make a beautiful or not so beautiful movement? It occurred to me recently that senior care is, at its best, like synergistic muscles. When all components are smooth and effortless the result is like a waltz. You and the loved one you care for will move across the stage with perfect timing, giving up car keys with turn here, accepting outside help with a flourish there.

The truth however, may not be quite so lovely. Like aging muscles, we find weakness in conversations related to forgetfulness, miss-steps in understanding as processing slows. We may even fall to the ground in frustration and fatigue as we attempt to handle every appointment, errand and chore on our own, losing our balance for the sake of others.

In essence, we must combine our efforts with the right timing and strength to produce greater ease for long life. And, just as opposing muscles, through the process of reciprocal inhibition, know to shut off in order to allow movement in a direction, we will also need to sense when to quiet ourselves to allow our aging parent to lead.

Helping my parents has been a waltz of sorts. At the outset I wanted the dance to be perfect and since I have been a professional caregiver for 30 years I thought I would lead. But I am their daughter and that is the most important role. So this has moved from a beginner’s jig with stepping on toes at times, to a more advanced waltz with more grace and rhythm than one might expect. We still miss a beat here and there but because we are working together for increased effectiveness, this synergy of relationship, of adult daughter and aging parents is getting more and more beautiful.